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This site isn't about who should win, who will win, who I'd be friends with, or who is cute. It's about watching hamsters: which ones are doing what and why. Which are fun and which are dull. If they aren't entertaining, get rid of 'em! More to come, bookmark & come back! .. that dingo
9/15/04 - Day 76 >> to the future >> dwell in the past >> latest
It's the cheesiest
You know it's love when he spells out
I THINK YOU'RE HOT in macaroni while
she's off eating cereal and parannoying..
especially when he adds a smiley face
And signs it Big Brother
Everybody say awwwww
Psychological assaults around the card table continue unabated.. Drew scowls and picks his package when Diane heads off to her headquarters.. a quads check-in shows zero hamsters, three fish, and.. what's this? Skywriting is back??
Diane: I never look this ugly.. I've never had such low self-esteem as I've had inside this house
(Drew nods, but gives her a hug)
Diane: And then I have to compete with you, and you're ten times prettier than me!
Drew: Shut up!
Nope, not a message from above: it's Drew and his pasta, and an anxious wait for us to see how he'll express his undying love.. noodle by noodle.. Diane's nervousing over cornflakes as he spells, sure that something's up.. she's right this time
Then it's fishies as CBS holds back yet another must-see moment from "unlimited access 24/7" denying us her reaction for an on-air exclusive, along with the next stage of the final HOH competition.. which she loses.. to Cowboy.. she rants
Diane: I didn't want you to have to be the one to put him out
Diane (crying): I knew every answer but that one! I thought it'd be easy.. those were the easiest questions in the world except for the fucking morphomatic!
Diane (angry): I did not come this far to leave! You're smart though
Diane (pouting): I'm so sorry I let you down today.. and myself
Drew: Don't put that pressure on yourself
Diane (angry): You know what? This is cuz I asked him to put my hair back yesterday
Drew: No it's not
Diane (angry): I don't want to play cards with him anymore, let him play cards by himself! I'm sorry.. fuck him!! He's going down
Diane (bitter): All I wanted was to get HOH so I could get a fucking letter from home
Diane: I'm not trying to be a sore loser
Drew: You're not
Diane: Here come the cameras.. uh-oh! Here comes a tear, catch it! I'm mad at myself.. I'm really lucky though..
Drew: How so?
Diane (cooey): Because of you, because somebody like you could walk into my life
Cowboy: Do you hate me?
Diane: No I don't hate you, I'm just mad at myself for that stupid morphomatic question
Cowboy: Give me a hug
Drew continues to make the same promise to both Diane and Cowboy.. and to confide in Cowboy that he's lying to Diane.. he talks badly about each of them to the other.. internet fans battle over which one he's really lying to
Diane: He does not deserve to win this game!
Drew: I know
Diane: I can't believe how ugly I am in this house! You're gonna be so surprised to see me be so cocky when I'm cute again
Drew: You're so critical of yourself
Cowboy: Did she tell you? Does she know??
Drew: She just wanted to win that
Drew: Why do they use the same pictures of us every time?
Cowboy: I don't know, I don't like that either
Drew: They should let us pick which pictures of ourselves we want to use
Alone, Drew talks to himself.. with Cowboy he trashes Diane & grunts at Cowboy's endless ramblings.. with Diane he trashes Cowboy & grunts at Diane's endless tirades.. all together, they're card-playing zombies.. then they separate and do it all again
Drew (alone): I'm such an idiot!
Drew (coming out of diary room): You promised.. right?
Cowboy: Right, you've seen the promises I've made in this game
Drew: Yea, your word is gold
Cowboy: Right, friendship is more important than girls.. you know what I mean
Drew: Riiiiiight.. I know, I know
(Cowboy talks for days.. you know the topics)
Diane: We're doing what Cowboy wants to do in the house now.. I absolutely love how people's true colors come out when they win anything! I don't think my attitude changed much when I won HOH or either veto
(Drew imitates & mocks Cowboy)
(Diane imitates & mocks April)
Drew: He's a loser baby.. so why don't you kill him
Drew: He just snapped in that endurance, the one that you won
Drew (studying): I got the HOHs
Diane: I got the veto competitions down
Drew: Do you?
(Diane tutors him)
Diane (coming out of diary room): Now the ass-kissing must begin
Diane frets at the fishies, frets at her nails while the boys concoct a basketball hoop from a cardboard box, and frets at the fishies some more.. she is nervousing
Action sequence! Drew dazzles the crowd with spins and leaps, and mostly misses the cardboard box.. Cowboy flies and shoots, and scores more dunks
On the sidelines, Diane's designated cheerleader role consists of telling how she didn't make the squad (and the bitches who did).. then she mopes into the night, awaiting the end of the season.. ass-kissing in earnest with fake smiles at appropriate times
I'm gonna puke.. (are you watching?)
At bedtime Diane claims to be really drunk..
She's had some booze, but we've seen her really drunk.. and it didn't look like this
After a short color-coded Bible lesson, it's lights out and we arrive at the moment when we've officially heard it all from Diane: "The lotion on my hands is too strong, it's making me nauseous"
She whines in the dark about having to puke.. Drew keeps telling her "So go puke".. she finally coerces him into escorting her to the bathroom (she's smiling and not wobbling along the way).. once there, she plops onto a stool, still whining, and.. he holds her hair! It's love! It's love! Take that, cynics and internet scoffers!
Oops, false alarm.. he's just petting her a little while she re-ponies her tail.. he shoves her into the bathroom "Go puke" but she bounces out "I can't".. Drew wanders off muttering "You should puke".. Diane seems stone cold sober when she's alone, and looks like she's trying to think of something else that might work
Back in bed she's very drunk again.. "I still have to puke".. "So go puke".. she makes the long trek back & forth through the house several times, never staggering or stumbling along the way.. checking in at her headquarters each time for her rituals
On one return trip to bed, Cowboy & Drew are playing We Switched Places again.. she cozies up to Cowboy, kissing him and whispering "I have to puke".. she jumps up screaming when she realizes it's a rerun but she doesn't puke.. on another sober journey back from her headquarters Drew jumps out from behind a corner scaring her.. and she doesn't puke again
Eventually she gives up and they sleep.. Cowboy gets up to play solitaire, make popcorn, spill popcorn, sweep up popcorn, and get more popcorn.. he farts at one point and says 'excuse me' to the darkness
Later Drew wakes up Diane by talking in his sleep and she can't go back to sleep.. another no-puke trip to headquarters.. she tosses & turns when she gets back to bed
|The Joe Schmo Show|
Season 1 Uncensored
I don't care who wins, I'm just here for the cheap entertainment - the cheaper, the better
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